Red headed bundle of joy

There are a million and four things i could be doing at this moment in time, but i can't keep this in any longer. As Bunje implied today, i am not one for lovey dovey things either. Previous relations have all proved failure and a winding pathway of " what was i thinking" 's and " wow, i'm never going back there again." 's. I fall so easily which is an obvious flaw when one realizes how many inconsiderate and sexually driven boys there are out there in that sea of opportunity. Love is regarded as the kid in grade school who no one likes because he hasn't discovered deodorant yet, and you wont talk to him until he has something you desire. Until that boy has a piece of candy that you wish to have, you look down on him. What has he got to offer you? Nothing but disappointment in the form of coming in everyday with that stench.

Love is a disappointment, always. Until you see someone you think you can love, it is unappealing. Seeing others who are 'in love' is silly to you. But when you do see this person, it is a cluster of outrageous emotion that you never would expect from yourself. You do things that you can't even explain but you (and the other person) know exactly what you feel. Extending your care to another person is a hard task because they can turn around in an instant and break you down with a single sentence. Growing so close to someone can be extremely damaging to you if you can't handle the breakdown of things. They know everything and they can see right through you. They know exactly what to say to make you smile as well as cry.

I've come across a special one. The comfort level is immense for only hanging out with him twice. Once on the first day of school and second at the hospital after he got his appendix out. I can't believe the things i feel for this boy at this point. Is it because I am desperate for someone or is he truly what i want? My weird obsession for red heads (ginger kids, literally red people, Ian Brownesque) looks like it's being fulfilled. I took 6 NyQuils just now. I am sick but it wasn't working quick enough so i took more. Maybe i'll come back to this when i am not so messed up and see if i agree with myself. hahah.

UPDATE:

Ny-Quil induced blogging is not recommended.. ever. Blog on that soon to come! lol. Just so you all know, i hate boys, and i do infact give up on trying to date them. The end.